There are many good things about living in the United Kingdom. Free healthcare. Our currency is vastly superior to yours. All the big MMA cards are on free TV. But there is one major problem, and that’s the fact that MMA events tend to start at 10pm Eastern, which is 2am over here. Last Saturday night/Sunday morning I sat up with a mate and watched a long, long night of TV, including UFC 109. Below is what my poor, poor brain made of it all.

11pm – The prelims start in three hours. I find myself sitting through WWE’s Superstars TV show with a can of lager. Tempted to sleep until two. Resist temptation.

1:30am – I’ve now watched two whole WWE shows, and my mind can’t take much more of this ridiculousness. Pro wrestling’s all right in short bursts, but three hours? Brain… suffering… meltdown…

2am – Prelims are starting! My friend’s just fallen asleep! Lightweight! The first fight was Ronys Torres’ UFC debut against perennial midcarder Melvin Guillard. The only thing that sticks in the mind the night after was Joe Rogan losing his temper following the cornermen spilling ice all over the Octagon. “It’s like the Three Stooges in there!” fumed Rogan. “This is awesome! Joe Rogan doing play-by-play on ice!” Goldberg babbled. Yeah, it’s better than the play-by-play you do on MMA, sadly, Goldie. After that hilarity, the fight always had something high to live up to. Not a bad fight, but nothing to cause me to remember it. Guillard took a decision, which I felt could’ve gone either way.

2:30am – Fight two saw Mac Danzig face Justin Bucholz in what Rogan dubbed a “winner leaves town match”. Hang on? “I always do that, mixing up my words,” whinged Rogan, “I talk too much.” Goldberg laughed nervously, incompetent as always. The fight itself was unmemorable as the first, with Danzig taking a routine decision after grinding out the youngster, who came to the UFC with a 7-1 record, and will leave with a 8-5.

3am – Main card time! Once again I was presented with beardy Rogan and Goldberg. For some reason I can remember thinking how much Goldberg’s neck wobbled when he talked. Funny how my brain works, eh? Anyway, the opener saw Frank Trigg face down Matt Serra. Serra came out to Rocky’s “Gonna Fly Now” theme. Rogan acted surprised. It’s not, really, anymore, is it? In the fight, Serra spent two minutes flapping at Trigg with his stubby little arms before putting his lights out with a thunderous overhand and pounding him out on the ground. The ref called the fight 2:23 into the first round. Serra went on to do a cute celebration for his daughter Angelina. Yeah, like she’s going to be up this late watching Daddy pulverise people. Serra’s likeable as ever in the interview, Rogan having to do next to no legwork to get the New Yorker at his charming best.

3:30am – Middleweight time, with Dan Miller facing off with submission master Demian Maia. The fight was sleep inducing, which is a bad thing at near 4 in the morning. I kept my eyes peeled open as the duo spent two rounds circling, with Rogan complementing Maia’s stand up, before Maia finally took Miller to the ground in the 3^rd, only to be tied up in the black belt’s guard. Maia took the decision with little problem, before saying that he plans a title shot in the future. My main memory is thinking that Maia looked like Lyoto Machida, but that’s probably because he had those Bad Boy eyes on the back of his trunks.

4:00am – A preliminary fight was shown, with Phil Davis manhandling Brian Stann for 15 minutes. Not the most exciting fight, but exciting from the point of view that Davis looked a lot like GSP without the submission and striking skills. If he can add those to a wrestling game as stellar as his, then he could be the next big thing at 205.

4:30am – Two welterweights stepped up next, with scary Paulo Thiago taking on mediocre Mike Swick. The first round was lacklustre, but the second woke me up nice and fast, with Swick nearly taking Thiago’s head off with a looping punch, before being dropped by Thiago’s counter left and being choked out by the Brazillian’s airtight D’arce choke. Aside from his loss to Jon Fitch (which isn’t suprising, see as Fitch is one of the most awkward people in the world to fight). Thiago also has title ambitions, apparently. His interview was forgettable, so I can’t be sure.

5:00am – Time for the Co-Main Event of the Evening! Even Buffer’s ‘exciting’ voice fails to stir much excitement in me. Sonnen proceeds to lie on BJJ black belt Marquardt, while the latter goes for precisely no submissions, except one tight guillotine off a takedown early in the first. The second saw Sonnen opened up with a slicing elbow by Marquardt from his back, and blood went everywhere. I was surprised the ref didn’t break them up to let the cutman have a look at that thing, it was pumping out; the fighters were both red, as was the mat. The third round saw more active top work from Sonnen, with Marquardt finding his second wind towards the end and nearly finishing Sonnen with another monster guillotine. Sonnen took the fight unanimously on the scorecards, and has taken everyone by surprise again. Not sure what I thought of his post fight interview. My brain had probably ceased functioning.

5:30am – Couture came out for his fight against Coleman to Ted Nugent’s ‘Stranglehold’. Rogan got excited, claiming this would guarantee a choke finish. Don’t be silly, Joe, we’re going to be treated to three rounds of leg humpi… oh. There goes that theory, with Couture putting Coleman down and choking him out for the win in the middle of the second. Coleman looked appalling, his hands were low, his chin was high and he was moving awkwardly, no surprise he’s since been cut from the UFC. Couture is his usual friendly self in the interview, though as usual he was a bit worried by the puppy eyes Rogan kept shooting him. Coleman’s interview started poor, the old man didn’t seem to know where he was. It got better, though, when Tito Ortiz claimed his wife “has bigger balls than you (Coleman)”, Mark flipped his lid. Joe Rogan chuckled, embarrassed. “How dare you…” The crowd were lapping it up, and even I laughed as Coleman borrowed Rogan’s mic to lay into Ortiz. Ah, now I’m awake. Pity it’s nearly 6am and the shows over.

5:45am – Another prelim, eh? And there I was getting ready to sleep, and it’s actually one I care about; the Gracies make their triumphal return to the UFC with heavyweight prospect Rolles. What’s this? He’s gassed faster than Matt Mitrione on the Ultimate Fighter? And the mediocre Mexicutioner has pounded him out in the second? Wow. This is mind blowing. Pity my body no longer works properly.

6:00am – Off goes Goldberg on his end of show mega plug. I visit the toilet. And spend quarter of an hour trying to fall asleep. Damn you Coleman, and your entertaining interviews.

Before I go, I am in the processing of trying to arrange an interview with UFC Welterweight John Hathaway, who is pencilled in to fight Diego Sanchez on the 29^th May at UFC 114.  If you have any questions you would like asked, please leave them as comments below. Thank you!