I say this without exaggeration: This was the best single night of fights I’ve ever seen. (That it was transmitted in glorious high-definition live on the vanity cable network of an eccentric billionaire didn’t hurt.)

On we go.

GP Quarterfinal One: Peter Aerts vs. Badr Hari

Peter Aerts is one of K-1’s greatest champions, having won the World Grand Prix 3 times, traded wins and losses with every K-1 fighter worth mentioning, resuscitated his career more times than anyone has bothered to count, and most recently having beaten the previously unstoppable 3-times-on-the-trot WGP champion Semmy Schilt.

Badr Hari is, shall we say, appropriately nicknamed. At 23 the Golden Boy has traded wins with solid mid table fighters in Stefan Leko (known to MMA fans for working a fight with Naoya Ogawa in the PRIDE Heavyweight GP) and fellow GP competitor Ruslan Karaev, won the K-1 Heavyweight Title (the WGP is contested at Super Heavyweight), and has appeared in the final 8 of the Grand Prix twice. But that’s not entirely what makes him interesting: Badr Hari is something like the Diaz Brothers’ Moroccan cousin, a smack-talking, sneering hothead but worlds better at kickboxing than either Nick or Nate is at MMA (no disrespect to the Diazes intended, of course).

The fight is a simple shitkicking, by the way. Despite Hari’s unlikely 6′6″ 203 pound frame, he packs savage power in his hands and Aerts is overwhelmed in the opening seconds of the first round. Of course, taking two knockdowns in one round won’t actually deter a fighter like Aerts, who trades in aggression, judiciously applied or not, and it doesn’t, but Aerts is never in this fight. Hari picks up the TKO win in the second.

GP Quarterfinal Two: Ewerton Texiera vs. Errol Zimmerman

The announcers (two of whom seem to be Australian, with the third man being 4 time K-1 Champion Ernesto Hoost) have just an incredible way of pronouncing “Texiera.” They seem to load all the emphasis on the “sh” sound then pronounce the “era” with a sneer so it sounds like they’re ripping paper. I do it no justice, but it amused me. Texiera is a Brazilian kyokushin fighter and student of Francisco Filho (who was great before he became mind-numbingly boring around ‘99) and earned his berth into the Final by winning the Japan Grand Prix, a feat I hope he can repeat every year because after watching the ‘03 and ‘04 tournaments I can no longer stand to watch that lump Musashi stink up the ring and pick up favorable decisions.

Errol Zimmerman is a World Muay Thai champion and a pretty laid back dude, which has a kind of pathological effect on his fighting style because man is he not interested in being the aggressor.

Ewerton is an unheralded competitor having come out of what is regarded as the weakest qualifying GP, but he fights like he has something to prove here and takes the battle immediately to the more well regarded Zimmerman. Zimmerman trades on being a power striker rather than being a pressure fighter or a volume striker, so we have a match of a go for broke aggressor against a powerful counter puncher, and it resolves itself into something of a whirlwind. Texiera is leading by at least one point on all the judges scorecards heading into the third (the judges scorecards are announced in between rounds, which I think is awesome) and looks to clinch a decision in the third, but Zimmerman’s confidence in his power is justified as he lands a brutal uppercut for a last-second knockdown to steal the decision. Fantastically active fight with a great ending as Zimmerman is set to face Hari in the semis.

GP Quarterfinal Three: Ruslan Karaev vs. Gokhan Saki

Karaev is… well, I’m not going to lie, he’s an unreasonably handsome dude. I mean, he’s up there with Remy Bonjasky in terms of absolutely dreamy kickboxers, and let there be no confusion, Remy Bonjasky is dreamy. That’s pretty much all I know about either Karaev or Saki, other than this: these dudes rule.

This is another terrifically hard fought match that Saki wins by superior mentality. Gokhan reminds me of Akihiro Gono, really: solid guard, footwork, and head movement forming an excellent defense, accurate, efficient punching (especially his left hook), and an overall willingness to stay calm and let his opponent punch himself out. Saki fights what I can only imagine is the best fight possible at his level of athleticism, whereas Karaev doesn’t.

Karaev is of course himself a strong fighter, but what he most clearly lacks is a moderating influence: when he traps Saki on the ropes he unleashes furious, drawn out combos that would be fight enders if any of his punches actually landed. Karaev plays about as far into Saki’s style as possible, so no wonder he loses the fight. Saki scores a knockdown in the third with a perfect little spinning backfist to mop up the cards and gets many, many brownie points for a smartly fought fight.

GP Quarterfinal Four: Remy Bonjasky vs. Jerome Le Banner

Remy, in addition to being dreamy is also probably the second best active fighter in K-1 behind Schilt, having youth, athleticism, and gameplanning on his side. Jerome Le Banner is easily the best fighter in K-1 never to have won the GP, with his best attempt ending on an arm break against Ernesto Hoost in 2002, in the final round of a fight that had until that point been going Jerome’s way.

This fight is both perhaps Jerome’s last hurrah, with injury upon injury and excessive steroid use making this likely his last chance, and Remy’s return to form, after disappointments in the ring the past 3 years and emotional turbulence outside the ring.

It could be said that the fight doesn’t quite live up to the build up, but frankly I can live with that. Bonjasky uses his well known strategy of fighting even in the first two rounds and jumping ahead in the third, but really it’s a moot point: Jerome just can’t get off. Bonjasky’s defense is too solid to allow Jerome the chance for the head shot he needs, and 3, 3 minute rounds isn’t really enough to use a strategy of working the body to lower the hands. Jerome tries his best to land the kill shot, but once again it’s not his night. The fight ends unceremoniously in the third as Le Banner blocks a kick with the same arm he broke in 2002, re-injuring himself and ending the fight. I salute Le Banner for not giving up (the doctors had to stop the fight), but a GP win just wasn’t to be.

GP Reserve 1: Ray Sefo vs. Hong Man Choi

Remember that giant Korean dude who got beat by Fedor? Yeah, that’s Choi. Ray Sefo is a solid second to JLB on the “Best K-1 non-champions” list and waaaaay up there on the all time most entertaining list. He’s also a full foot shorter than Choi, but that bothers him not a bit. As such, Sefo spends 3 rounds throwing improbably looping right hands at Choi (a surprising amount of which hit), throwing spinning back kicks and back fists, pounding the body and legs, brushing off pillowy knee strikes and basically making Choi look like a big goofy Korean dude, which… he is! Awesome fight, because Ray Sefo is awesome and watching Ray Sefo tool a giant Korean is awesome.

GP Reserve 2: Melvin Manhoef vs. Paul Slowinsky

When in a fight with a kickboxer who is at a significant height, weight, and reach disadvantage, but who nevertheless has furious knockout power and fight-changing explosiveness the best strategy is to:

A.) Pump the jab and the leg kick to keep your opponent from getting inside,

B.) Measure the distance and hit your opponent as he closes,

or C.) Stand and Bang like Jorge Gurgel.

If you answered C, there may be a devestating knockout in your future!

Melvin Manhoef is a small beast, but a beast he is nonetheless. Good dancer too.

GP Semifinal One: Badr Hari vs. Errol Zimmerman

Badr Hari comes into this fight the fresher fighter, having taken little damage ripping Peter Aerts limb from limb. Zimmerman on the other hand has by now taken an unreasonable amount of leg and body kicks from Texiera. Regardless, Zimmerman does still have his powerful hands, and wouldn’t you know it Zimmerman steals the fight with a knockdown in the second!

Or at least he would have, if it weren’t for the fact that knocking down Badr Hari just makes him angrier. Case in point, this fight: after taking a punch, falling dead-weight into the turnbuckle, waking up on contact with the mat, and getting up well before the count of eight he returns the favor to Zimmerman within the minute and produces a lip-busting sweat-misting knockout in the third, thus accomplishing something that only happens once in a blue moon in the GP, a knockout coming off the mat.

This, by the way, will not be the last instance of Hari becoming angry as the result of a knockdown.

GP Semifinal Two: Remy Bonjasky vs. Gokhan Saki

Gokhan acquitted himself admirably in the first round, but he’s stepped into far deeper waters. Remy can taste the GP, as sure as everyone at ringside heard the rib under Saki’s armpit crack at the beginning of the second round.

As it happens, Remy’s nickname is as appropriate as Hari’s: he clearly is a gentleman who also flies. The jumping body kick that finishes this fight is so clearly proof of the latter.

GP Final: Badr Hari vs. Remy Bonjasky

Come one, come all, come see the spectacular self destructing fighter!

Thrill! As he is knocked down by his more experienced, smarter opponent in the first round!

Chill! At his complete abandonment of hope!

Laugh your ass off! At him completely losing his shit and trying to stomp a downed fighter!

To Nick and Nate’s credit, I’m fairly certain neither has ever intentionally broken the rules in a fight. Which means Badr Hari is even more of a hothead than a dude who threw a shoe at his opponent, at a hospital.

Remy milks the stomp for what it’s worth, and what it’s worth is a win via DQ and on the off chance that Bonjasy wasn’t being entirely truthful about injuring his eye, I absolve him of guilt. Hari losing control of himself like that is… well, I would hesitate to call it conduct unbecoming a fighter (because seriously, what does that mean?) but it doesn’t deserve to be rewarded with a second chance at winning the fight.

So really it all resolves itself as sort of a comedy, with Hari as the Junie Browning of the kickboxing world. I’m more or less cool with that, as long as when the glass shatters it doesn’t go in anyone’s eye. There is comedy inherent in a fighter with that much talent completely losing it, I think.

So where do I stand on this card as a whole? Every fight was entertaining, a few of them were fantastic (Texiera/Zimmerman, Saki/Karaev, Zimmerman/Hari), every fighter came to fight, the production values were beyond fantastic, the announcing was amusing, the feed was immaculate (oh HD, how did I live without you?), the ending was a tremendous surprise, there were great stories being told all through the night, incredible knockouts, and other superlatives attached to aspects of this show as well.

I mean, they had Jimmy Lennon Jr. announcing and Kimbo Slice in the commentary booth, several times referring to the “city of Japan.” It’s the little things, you know?