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(Like David Hasselhoff: despised in the US, beloved by the masses in Germany. WBO/IBF Heavyweight champ, Ring #1 heavyweight, Wladimir Klitschko. )

This Saturday night sees the return of the closest thing to a unified heavyweight champion in combat sports with the return of Wladimir Klitschko, WBO and IBF Heavyweight champion in a mandatory defense of his belts against the lightly regarded Tony Thompson (HBO, 4:30PM Saturday). Who? Anthony “Tiger” Thompson. You know, the #1 American heavyweight? Oh wait, if you live outside of continental Europe, you probably don’t know much about the heavyweight division. Well, fear not US/Canadian citizen, I can help with that, and what better way than to talk about the 50 best heavyweights on the planet?

edit: already slightly tweaked from last night! THE EXCITEMENT~

Continuing a tradition I started over at rec.sport.boxing many years ago, I present to you, the very likely already turned off reader, my rankings of the heavyweight division. My rankings differ from many of the others presented on the internet because there are no math equations to create them. No hearsay. No network hype, no promoter hype, none of it. I do these off a not-at-all scientific system that rewards results and activity above all. And not only that, I can tell you with absolute honesty that I have seen every single fighter on multiple occaisions on this list. You’re not gonna see any Oleg Platovs or Alonzo Butlers on these lists as a result, I can assure you of that. So what are we waiting for?

CHAMP: I haven’t had one listed in years. Rules for me filling this are: A) unify three belts OR B) #1 and #2 fight. This is similar to The Ring’s rule, except that I’m not gonna bend to HBO’s demands to make guys champ (see also: Klitschko, Vitali)

1 ) Wladimir Klitschko: Obviously the best out today, but even with two belts, he’s not the legit champ. That is something almost all can agree on. Klitschko’s chin has long been considered his Achilles heel and the sheer number of knockdowns over his career (at last count, 12) attests to this fact. To counter it, trainer Emanuel Steward has had him begin to copy Lennox Lewis. Like Klitschko, Lewis was an offensive minded tall heavyweight who suffered an embarassing KO loss in his career, and Steward has shifted Klitschko into a direction where he is as likely to jab and hold as he is to throw 85-90 punches a round, his typical output during the time period when he fought men like McCline and Chris Byrd for the first time.

2 ) Samuel Peter: Peter is a mauling KO artist who’s emerged as the clear #2 contender. Boxing is a confusing thing, however, and he is now been put in position to face Vitali Klitschko this October. Vitali has been out of the ring since December 2004 after a well publicized rash of cancellations against Hasim Rahman, and later, again with Jameel McCline. Vitali seems motivated to face Peter in lieu of the McCline bout and Peter’s very subpar performance there, but its hard to see a man coming back after 48 months off and being competitive at nearly 40.

Peter occasionally shows flashes of increased boxing ability, and his failings are generally a result of his weak conditioning (Peter admits to liking food a little too much). A product of the infamous Nigerian amateur system, many outlets have bizarrely taken to calling Peter a “American heavyweight” in spite of the fact that he is a Nigerian citizen who requires work visas to train and fight in the US. He is among 3 such Nigerian fighters on the list.

3 ) Alexander Povetkin: Povetkin is shifted to #3, which is perhaps surprising to some given that the man below him holds a title. I’ll get into that momentarily, but with Povetkin, he’s looked nothing short of fantastic against a guy who really was the best US heavyweight (Eddie Chambers), former WBO and IBF champ Chris Byrd, the aged Larry Donald, David Bostice, Imamu Mayfield, Friday Ahunanya, and a number of other name journeymen/gate keepers. While wins like the Donald win look less than impressive to some, its worth noting how others have dealt with Donald in recent history, most notably Nicolay Valuev.

4 ) Ruslan Chagaev: Chagaev at #4 may see unfair. He is, after all, the WBA title holder, and has a win over the #5 and #6 heavyweight on the list. However, Chagaev’s career since the WBA title win has been an embarassment. After winning the title some 15 months ago, Chagaev has but one defense: an unimpressive unanimous decision win over 4 decade old K-1 washout Matt Skelton. A bout against Sultan Ibragimov was cancelled suddenly for “Hepatitis” which seemingly cured itself less than two weeks later when he was looking for a new bout. His rematch scheduled for last week with Valuev was cancelled just a couple weeks prior due to a achilles tendon tear. That is an injury that will very likely keep Chagaev out of the gym for anywhere from 8-16 months, and the WBA is already taking steps to establish interim champs for the time being. Even more incredibly, Chagaev hadn’t officially documented the injury as of last week with the WBA.

5 ) Nicolay Valuev: Valuev was considered nothing more than a freakshow for many years by hardcore boxing fans, but two highly questionable decisions over Larry Donald and John Ruiz brought the 7′ boxer a world title. He made three successful defenses against middling competition and then lost in his first mandatory fight to Ruslan Chagaev. Since then, Valuev looked perhaps shot against Jean Francois Bergeron and rebounded to beat former WBO champion Sergei Lyakhovich into a pulp. There’s legitimate questions about Valuev going into the future: 330 lb giants rarely have long careers in the NBA, and as a boxer, Valuev has been fighting since the early 1990s when he picked up the sport in the Russian military. He’s shown signs of declining hand speed, and as a power puncher, the giant has never displayed much.

6 ) John Ruiz: Ruiz is a hated, hated man. Considered by some the worst heavyweight titlist of all time and by far its most dull fighter at the top level, there are some very legitimate criticisms to be levied at the man. With these criticisms, consider the positives: When he fought Roy Jones Jr., he was the only man willing to take a megabout with Jones under the financial terms Jones was providing (No guaranteed money! At all!). He actually tried to make a fight with Valuev and was getting grabbed and held, not the reverse. Along with those two, he’s faced James Toney, Oquendo, Chagaev, Golota, Rahman, Holyfield, Tua, Kirk Johnson, and many more. No one in the heavyweight division has been more willing to fight anyone, anywhere, any time. If he was in MMA, Dana White would love him, just like he loves Sean Sherk.

7) Sultan Ibragimov: Ibragimov has had two major disappointments career wise: The draw with Ray Austin was one of the highest rated ESPN fight cards outside of The Contender series in years, tainting his future. The loss to Wladimir Klitschko was embarassing for both. He looks like a fat version of Vassilly Jirov and fights that way too. His future as a heavyweight doesn’t seem very bright. With a good exercise regiment, he could be a top 5 cruiserweight.

8 ) Vladimir Virchis: Virchis is a slow, lurching puncher from Russia. Oh yeah, he hits very hard. He’s been outboxed before by guys like Michael Sprott (whom he was given a gift decision against) and Taras Bidenko (whom he knocked out in desperation during round 12). His next fight is some sort of WBC eliminator against former top cruiserweight Juan Carlos Gomez, who can be a phenomenal P4P level boxer when he chooses to train.

9 ) Tony Thompson: Thompson makes his appearance here at #9 as the best American born/bred/whatever heavyweight. Not many people know a lot about Thompson, and there’s been a lot in the media about how he’s clearly separated himself from the pack stateside. Not quite. First, Thompson’s record (31-1, 19KOs) may look on the surface to be something like that of a prospect, but Thompson has been languishing for 8 years in the division already and taken the path of lightest resistance. He first came to prominence to a lot of the hardcore fans when he advanced to the finals of the Thunderbox one night tournament in 2002 as an unheralded prospect. In that night, he got the nod twice in fights he very argurably lost before losing all three rounds to career journeyman Maurice Harris.

After the event, he continued on his path of fighting heavyweight flotsam (Gilbert Martinez, Joe Leinhart, Agustin Corpus, and many other notable journeymen of the early part of the decade) along with the occasional former contender. His decision wins against Yanqui Diaz, Vaughn Bean, Dominick Guinn, and Timor Ibragimov could all be solid cures for insomnia. Wins against that kind of competition for years will often get you somewhere, and in Thompson’s case, it was a WBO eliminator fight against Luan Krasniqi.

On paper, it was a very competitive fight. Krasniqi had fought valiantly against Lamon Brewster when he was perhaps the #1 heavyweight in the world. He had rendered a pretty tough Mount Whitaker unconscious. He had beaten Rene Monse, Sinam Samil Sam, and Przemyslaw Saleta when those were guys that still mattered. But the Saleta bout was a rematch from a disturbing first fight in which Krasniqi seemed to have no interest in the bout and quit. After lackluster showings with David Bostice and Brian Minto, Krasniqi showed up against Thompson and proceeded to repeat that first Saleta performance. He was never badly in trouble, but threw few punches and did not at any attempt look to try and seriously compete. The ref simply called the fight off when it was clear that Krasniqi was only in the ring to collect a check. He has not fought since and its unlikely that he ever will again.

Thompson’s calling cards are a jab he’s only ever used against Dominick Guinn, a serious lack of KO power, and a propensity to let guys come inside on him when they shouldn’t be allowed to do that. This is a massive step up, and like many larger heavyweights Klitschko has fought in the past, it has to be expected that Thompson will be exposed and destroyed, just as Ray Austin, Derrick Jefferson, Danell Nicholson, Paea Wolfgramm, and Jameel McCline were.

10 ) Eddie Chambers: Chambers is, by his own admission, probably a light heavyweight. He fights at heavyweight because the money is still shockingly good most of the time, and he’s beaten many of the better US heavyweights (Calvin Brock, Raphael Butler, Dominick Guinn, Robert Hawkins, Derrick Rossy). He has mediocre power, decent defense, and very good handspeed for the weight class. Talk about him being a mover in the realm of Chris Byrd is ridiculous. His style is far more comparable to Winky Wright, but nowhere near as refined.

11 ) Oleg Maskaev: Maskaev’s age caught up to him when Peter decimated him earlier this year. He had a great run leading into his win against Rahman, and I was one of few who picked him to upset Rahman. His manager wants him in the ring again this summer, so it should be interesting to see what happens there. I don’t see more than another 2-3 fights in his career.

12 ) Calvin Brock: Brock was initially self taught and considered the worst of the Americans headed to the Olympics in 2004. As a heavyweight contender he’s not been half bad and gave Wladimir Klitschko some troubling looks when they fought in 2006. While he has the talent to come back to the forefront of the decision, his desire is a different issue. He is a banker who boxes on the side, not the other way around. His weight against Chambers was embarassing, and he’s not returned since to fight again.

13 ) Juan Carlos Gomez: Gomez is the great white elephant of the division. A former monster cruiserweight who made a lot of eyebrows raise up when he easily trounced Sinam Samil Sam on HBO many moons ago, he’s since gone on hiatus, suspension, put on weight, dropped it, etc. Currently involved in the sanctioning hell of the WBC, he has a chance for redemption with a win over Vladimir Virchis. He’s a known partier, tested positive for cocaine following his first win over Oliver McCall, and has admitted finding it difficult to keep interest in the sport of boxing.

14 ) Shannon Briggs: Briggs should, by all rights, not be here. The asthma stricken former champ has repeatedly discussed a return to the ring, but against who and when is uncertain.

15 ) Taras Bidenko: Bidenko is, by far, the most underrated fighter in the division, particularly on this side of the Atlantic. While no great shakes with punching power, Bidenko is very good on his feet and has phenomenal fundamentals. He recently won a unanimous decision against Michael Sprott, and other wins have come against good European competition (Richel Hersisia, former Olympians Alex Mazikin and Konstantin Onofrei, Andrew Colliander, Julius Francis), and his losses are not the sort of thing that invalidates a fighter. His near KO win over Nicolay Valuev in Bidenko’s 3rd pro fight is a Youtube staple, as is the previously mentioned last round KO loss to Vladimir Virchis.

The popular knock on him is that he has not fought any valued American heavyweights, or in America at all ever. When 3/4 of the belts are held by Eastern Europeans and 5 of the top 6 fighters are all heavyweight from the Eastern Bloc, I have no idea why fighting in the US would be a benefit to any serious heavyweight prospect. The next time you hear that malarkey, keep that in mind.

16 ) James Toney

17 ) Hasim Rahman: How fitting that two men fighting next week (7/16, Fox Sports Net) in what is probably a retirement bout for the loser should be next to one another like this. Toney’s weight problems are well known and Rahman’s desperate performances against Zuri Lawrence and Taurus Sykes nearly killed his career. The loser is not coming back.

18 ) Lamon Brewster: Brewster’s eye problems are well known and he looked shot against Wladimir Klitschko in their incredibly unnecessary rematch.

19 ) Alexander Dimitrenko: Dimitrenko was in a life and death struggle with Timo Hoffman just two fights ago. Since Hoffman is washed up, this is not a good sign. Most of his “big wins” are against journeymen (Billy Zumbrun, Vaughn Bean, Fernely Feliz) and pseudoprospects (Chad Van Sickle, Gonzalo Omar Basile). He’s very tall though at 6′8”, but not a power puncher.

20 ) Chris Arreola: Arreola is overrated to such an extent by American journalists it is greatly disheartening. Even prior to his win over Chazz Witherspoon, Arreola had been handed a place in Ring Magazine’s top 10 heavyweights for a couple months. Arreola easily walked through the arm punching Witherspoon, but against bigger heavyweights with better technical skills and power, Arreola will probably be in a heap of trouble. His defense is porous, to say the least. He’ll make for exciting fights while the inevitable Michael Grant type collapse awaits.

21 ) Matt Skelton: Skelton is another fighter who somehow is on this list and up high. One can’t imagine him being active much longer. Skelton is painful to watch fight. He utilized an impressive thai clinch in beating names like Danny Williams. Unfortunately, the thai clinch is illegal in boxing. It’ll catch up to him eventually.

22 ) Kali Meehan: Meehan is an aging former rugby player who, until he faced Lamon Brewster, was a total joke as far as most fans were concerned. Boy, was everyone shocked after that. His win over Davarryl Williamson catapulted him back into contender status.

23 ) Jameel McCline: McCline is never bad enough to drop to the 40s but never good enough to rise above #8 or 9. He’s a giant who fights like anything but, displaying the kind of poor jab you might expect from a former football player with no amateur career. He nearly KOs Samuel Peter, he has trouble with Rob Calloway, loses a decision to Zuri Lawrence, stops Michael Grant in 30 seconds after Grant’s ankle explodes in an early knockdown.

24 ) Fres Oquendo: Oquendo was virulently robbed against Evander Holyfield (I had it scored 116-111 Oquendo), and even in his depleted form would outbox most of the division. He’s been inactive roughly a year and his stock will begin to drop rapidly soon.

25 ) Sergei Lyakhovich: The former WBO champ couldn’t have looked more finished against Virchis. He was the heaviest of his career and fought with no fire whatsoever. He got a paycheck and an ambulance ride for lack of effort.

26 ) Kevin Johnson: Johnson is a highly skilled fighter who has taken on shocking competition early in his career. Since signing with Joe Deguardia’s Star Boxing, he’s stalled, however. Some ESPN and Showtime bouts have raised his profile, but without a name heavyweight on his ledger its impossible to promote him further.

27 ) Monte Barrett: My estimation of Barrett against Tye Fields is that he was so shot he might really lose. I was wrong. Barrett KOed Fields in the first round. That doesn’t erase losing by KO to Cliff Couser or make him 27 instead of 37, but its something.

28 ) Andrew Golota: Golota is notoriously difficult to be trained and managed in a fight, and he’s very old. He’s a whopping 40 years old, over a decade removed from his best. The handspeed, power, and even defense are all gone. Wars with midwestern heavyweights like Mike Mollo seems to be the future plan for the Foul Pole.

29 ) Odlanier Solis Fonte: Olympic gold medalist! Great handspeed! Possibly quite powerful! Cuban! At least 45 pounds overweight! He’s beaten a ton of respectable names (Mazikin, Long, McGee, Colliander, Salif) already, but if he would commit to being a small heavyweight instead of being a fat heavyweight, he would be much more effective. This is a running theme in the division.

30 ) Travis Walker: Walker is a big American heavyweight with lots of punching power. He also has a questionable chin (first fight with TJ Wilson) and apart from the TJ Wilson rematch, he’s often very inactive in the ring. Punchers don’t mean anything if they do not punch.

31 ) Luan Krasniqi: Krasniqi was reviewed in large part during the look over of Thompson. Nothing but to reiterate the likely fact that he is retired.

32 ) Ray Austin: Ray Austin was blessed to be so highly thought of by the IBF that he could get an eliminator bout against Ibragimov. Of course, he was brought in as fresh meat for the can’t miss prospect and ruined a lot of people’s days by coming to fight. With no fights since the March 2007 loss to Klitschko, we may have seen the last of him for awhile. There’s still plenty of time for him to spend his money and need a comeback.

33 ) Jean Francois Bergeron: Bergeron is here solely off his fight with Valuev where he stole numerous rounds. He may also be retired, having not competed since. Bergeron was highly protected before that fight and the common understanding among hardcore fans is that it was for his eventual cash out against a high profile heavyweight. Why they haven’t tried to get a second fight since against another similar name in the mid pack is unknown. The southpaw former Canadian Olympic rep may have gone from being an overprotected fraud to “too dangerous” overnight.

34 ) Jason Estrada: Estrada, like Fonte, is an Olympian with a lot of talent. He’s also, like Fonte, very overweight. He should be no heavier than about 225. His handspeed and defense are better than any American boxer today, and honestly, he might make mincemeat of a fighter like Eddie Chambers.

35 ) Danny Williams: Williams is as inconsistent as they get. Usually shaped like a nose tackle, shocked everyone by coming into fight Scott Gammer at 228lbs and knocking him out. He then sat on the bench for roughly a year and is now taking fights purely for money: He was beating the hell out of Oleg Platov when a hastily devised plan to rule a punch caused cut as being from a headbutt was developed and the fight stopped. He then fought Konstantin Airich and, well, yeah. He is scheduled to now fight Big Bad John McDermott in the UK next week.

36 ) David Tua: Tua is as hard a puncher as has ever been seen. Inactivity due to promotional issues and his own disinterest in training have been killing his career ever since he drew with Hasim Rahman (a awful decision itself) 5 years ago. Tragically bad performances with Maurice Wheeler, Robert Hawkins, Cisse Salif, and Talmadge Griffs have left Tua an afterthought.

37 ) Davarryl Williamson: Probably retired. Does private aerobic training in Denver right now.

38 ) Timor Ibragimov: The not-so-good Ibragimov. Technically unspectacular. Not very big.

39 ) Malik Scott: An octopus of a fighter with a decent jab, no power, no killer instinct, a love of the clinch, and barely any interest in the sport. He’s been working within higher education to further himself and my guess is that boxing just creates the funding for that.

40 ) Michael Sprott: Sprott is the best darn journeyman England has today. His crushing KO victory over Audley Harrison is artistic.

41 ) Denis Boystov: Boystov has a highly impressive looking record but not really the kind of opposition that excites. After winning his first 14 by KO, he’s gone 22-0 with 18KOs, but only with 3 names known to be of at least acceptable quality (Feliz, Hawkins, Ondrej Pala). He won wide decisions against both Feliz and Hawkins, which is par for course.

42 ) Francesco Pianeta: Pianeta beat hyped American prospect Michael Marrone by early KO, but there’s nothing else to get excited about. His KO of Donnell Wiggins is pedestrian, and his next best win is Australian tomato can Colin Wilson or South African no-name Miyan Solomons.

43 ) Chazz Witherspoon: Witherspoon looked terrible against Arreola and will probably not amount to much other than stepping stool. He reminds me a lot of Konstantin Onofrei: okay technically, not very athletic, southpaw, a decent amateur background, but has nothing for upper echelon fighters or even top 30 style talent.

44 ) Roman Greenberg: Greenberg is a hype job years in the making. I’ve recently suffered for the sins of man in watching him fight Michael Simms and Damon Reed, and its hard to believe he has any sort of future in the division. Greenberg is carted from country to country in search of a fanbase. Right now, it would seem he is back in the UK trying to stir up interest again after a failed attempt to make him a regional draw with the large Jewish population of NYC.

45 ) Sinan Samil Sam: Sam is a durable slugger who’s weight continues to rise and skills continue to decline. He just drew with Paolo Vidoz and has recent wins against Eastern European tomato cans and a loss to Oliver McCall in a hotly contested bout. Well, as hotly contested as a fight with Sinan Samil Sam and Oliver McCall will ever be.

46 ) Oliver McCall: Speaking of the devil, his son is now fighting. Oliver is about 42 or 43 and doesn’t have anything for anyone at the top end of the division. Even his power is beginning to lack. His chin is probably still sturdy even after years of incredible cocaine abuse.

47 ) Friday Ahunanya: Friday is a Nigerian heavyweight with, like Samuel Peter, bad fundamentals and good power. His power just isn’t as good, and so Friday plays a spoiler role. He should have lost to Dominick Guinn, but the fight was so awful they just made it a draw. After that, he lost to Sultan Ibragimov and Alexander Povetkin, but has rebounded to recently beat undefeated prospects Shane Cameron and Alonzo Butler.

48 ) Michael Grant: Well, it didn’t take long to change this list from what I had up initally 9 hours prior. News came really late that Michael Grant had beaten the biggest name of his comeback and taken a unanimous decision against Demetrice King, who was at #48. Michael Grant is a memorable name to fight fans: The 6′7” failed basketball player shifted to boxing and was HBO’s “next big thing” in lieu of the total collapse of Ike Ibeabuchi’s mental state. After wins against Al Cole, David Izon, Lou Savarese, and a battle with Andrew Golota, Grant was given a PPV title shot against the mighty Lennox Lewis.

The #1 ranked Ring Contender fell completely apart and was destroyed by Lewis in merely two rounds. He attempted an immediate comeback on HBO and was given what seemed like a safe bet in Jameel McCline. He was dropped with the first shot McCline threw and twisted his ankle as he fell to the ground. After disappearing for a little while from the public eye, Grant got another shot, this time against young heavyweight Dominick Guinn. Grant almost singlehandedly created the Dominick Guinn bandwagon in his listless approach to the fight, losing by TKO in the 7th round. Grant seemed finished.

However, he’s again on the comeback trail in 2008. After three fights in 4 years, Grant had two bouts in 2007 (against Kevin Montiy and Billy Zumbrun) and last night against the aformentioned King. He has talent and even a decent amount of heart. If he ever puts the two together, like Oleg Maskaev had in 2006, he may just find himself with a shot at total redemption.

49 ) Brian Minto: Minto lost to a nearly 50 year old Tony Tubbs. No matter what you hear about this guy, remember that. Minto will be fun in scraps on maybe ESPN2 undercards but he really serves no other purpose.

50 ) Gbenga Olokun: 2004 Olympian, now 16-0 and campaigning out of Germany. Bang Bang Olokun is a big puncher with the kind of team that can shape his talent and he’s living and fighting in a part of the world that is the main market for 8 (argurably 9, if including Klitschko) of the top 15 heavyweights in the world today.