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I’m not a betting man. (If you are, Iain has a fine column with you in mind.)

So on the night of a UFC, I like to consult the “experts” just for fun and not for profit. Tonight’s UFC, emenating from the childhood home of Matt Serra’s hero Arturo “Thunder” Gatti, and that guy in the picture above, is no exception. Here’s what I found on the net when I should have been preparing for a wedding today:

As always, Jeff “Wombat” Meszaros has his UFC Fight Forecast up at the Bodog homepage. I’ve talked him up before. This isn’t his best work, but it’s worth a look. Incidentally, he took a bath last time out so plays it safer here: at first glance, other than Doerkson over MacDonald, I think he took all betting favorites. An excerpt:

Serra is like a cross between Joe Pesci and Teddy Ruxpin. You expect him to give you a hug and read you a story, but suddenly, he stabs you in the neck with a pen. That, at least, is what happened to G.S.P. in his first outing with “The Terror.”

St. Pierre is only 4 inches taller, but next to Serra, he looks like some enormous monster from a Ray Harryhausen movie. That made it all the more amazing when G.S.P. approached Serra with the amused concern of someone trying to pet an angry kitten and ended up getting knocked into an alternate reality where he isn’t the UFC champ. I haven’t seen a knockout like that since my 4-year-old nephew nailed my uncle on the jaw with a cricket paddle at the last family reunion. Much like my uncle, who still harbors an irrational fear of potato salad, St. Pierre never recovered, and Serra swarmed him like the demonic Chucky doll from Child’s Play. Will it happen again? No.

Serra packs Rocky Balboa power in his punches, but St. Pierre won’t risk a frontal assault again, and there’s almost no chance that G.S.P. will tap Serra out since “The Terror” has the heart of a lion and the body of a chimpanzee. Instead, “Rush” will look to score a takedown and punch Serra in the face until his eyes look like spicy Italian meatballs. Afterwards, the streets of Montreal will fill with fiddle music and poutine, as thousands of fans slap their hockey sticks against the icy ground in a deafening chorus of Canadian applause. My Guess: St. Pierre by TKO.

Randy Couture is another guy whose predictions are always good but he’s decided his predictions are worth $30 now. Thanks anyway, Randy. But he’s got a couple of minutes of wisdom available for free anyway:

He also speaks briefly of the main event at MMAWeekly.com but adds little insight.

Me, I think it’s a new GSP and he’ll likely take it.

Franklin’s never been submitted, Lutter’s a little undersized and his motivation is questionable, so I think Rich’ll eventually stop him. Hopefully something special will come of the undercard because I haven’t seen it yet but I’m already forgetting about it.

Enjoy the fights!