We’ve got a huge, three hour long UFN tonight live on Spike TV, followed directly by the debut of the new season of The Ultimate Fighter, featuring Rampage and Forrest as opposing coaches. What does that mean to you? Oh, right, it means LiveBlog, where we’ll keep you updated throughout the show with initial reactions from a bunch of bozos.

We start off with a HYPE~ video. Lauzon is telling us he is going to make use of angles that will confuse Kenny Florian. Hype videos are pretty lame. I mark out for Karo’s few second highlight intro on the show, why isn’t he main eventing or on a PPV again? We all love the judo. Goldie welcomes us, telling us this will be a very special night, I’m guessing like an after school special where Goldberg gets touched and Joe Rogan has to save him from the bullies.

Houston Alexander vs James Irvin is going to start us off.

JTU wishes death upon the Sacramento-based Irvin. Irvin, in contrast, looks aerodynamic. Some dude has a cutout of Houston and oh shit, its Steve Mazzagatti.

R1. Big right by Irvin, oops. Over. Yes, that is right, Houston Alexander just got destroyed in a matter of seconds. Houston is arguing that Steve stopped the fight too soon, possibly one of the few times when somebody will say that. This was an 8 second knockout, by the by.

Houston is talking about Nebraska. That is very not tough. He did not feel anything, he just likes laying on the mat with his hands at his side.

Nate Diaz vs. Kurt ‘Batman’ Pellegrino is next.

Nick Diaz is in the house and looks stoned, which means this should rule.

Rd 1. Kurt takes Nate down and gets his back right away, but Diaz is staying calm as we see what Joe Rogan calls ‘technical ground fighting.’ Pellegrino gets side control and is turning Nate’s face into hamburg meat. Ew. Nate still calm as Pellegrino is trying varying chokes out, but you can’t keep a Diaz down (as they are shoot crazy). Nate kept Pellegrino hooked up towards the cage for the last minute and a half as we leave Rd 1.

Rd 2. Tentative stand-up leads to Pellegrino taking Nate down and moving into his full guard. Joe Rogan; Confused. Nate looking for a kimura from the bottom, tries to push Kurt off, but to no avail. Kurt gets Nate’s back, only for Nate to stand up and slam him down. But Kurt is a hanger-on. This is kind of incredible now, Nate has a triangle on Kurt and is celebrating already, Kurt holds on while Nate is cheering for himself and its over. The Diaz boys need their own reality TV show, I’m calling it now.

Now Joe Rogan is interviewing the ’stars’ of DEA. Ok.

Matt Hammill vs. Tom Boetsch is next.

TAPOUT has TV spots now. Save us. I still don’t understand why Hammill gets subtitles, he is deaf, not Russian.

Rd 1. Subway, eat fresh. Matt, on that note, takes Tim down. I’ve been informed that Lock Haven sucks, so there is a discrepancy here between the announcing and the truth. This new, tiny ref has stood them up for being wrestlers. Some awkward stand-up ensues, including Tim’s Sylviaesque kicks and Hammill’s jabs. This keeps going. Awkward. The question posed is how did a 12 year old get licensed to ref. The fans lose this round, unanimously.

Rd 2. Tim’s cardio is also apparently akin to the dearly departed Tim Sylvia, as he goes for a single and Hammill just flops on top of him and is pounding away with HAMMERS, and the ref isn’t really looking too intently it seems, but eventually stops it. Take your son to work day is not a success.

Two words: Matt’s Lip. Joe Rogan cannot understand a word he is saying and its kinda funny to just see him nod, staring blankly. Goldberg; Inspired.

Karo DA HEAT Parisyan vs. Thiago Alves is next and this should RULE.

Rd 1. Double underhooks takes Thiago down, but doesn’t last long. Karo actually gets a pretty nice combo off and is working some leg kicks. Thiago tried to chokeslam Karo and is being rather tentative as we reach a stand-up stalemate. Joe Rogan tells us Karo is strong like a chimpanzee. Is that a compliment?

Rd 2. Karo is switching things up, knee from Thiago followed by a few strikes and Mazzagatti with another quick stoppage that Karo seems upset with. Did somebody have a heart to heart with Steve?

Forrest Griffin informs us of his ass-wiping problems.

Tommy Speer vs. Anthony Johnson will have to follow that nugget of truth.

Rd 1. Stand-up and Tommy Speer is already in trouble, knees, kicks, punches and a big right lands Speer in a heap and he is completely, utterly out of it. Awesome.

Gray Maynard vs. Frank Edgar, with endless hugging potential is coming up.

Rd 1. Somebody’s 0 has gotta go, guys. Which means swing, miss, stand back and hey, Maynard takes him down. Edgar’s hair looks spraypainted on as he gets taken down again. We are treated to strategic stand-up to end the round.

Rd 2. Maynard comes out looking to knock Edgar’s head clean off, but for now his head is firmly placed where it belongs. A stuffed takedown on Maynard followed by a little ditty on the ground and its back to the feet for some slow stand-up. Edgar with a judo-esque takedown and he, well, lets him up for some more stand-up. Maynard takes him down again and Franky is looking for a kimura while Gray is on top of him to hold out for the horn. Cell must be loving this.

Rd 3. In contrast they charge each other and this is kind of awesome. Maynard takes him down but Edgar holds on and flips him over as both scramble to their feet. Big slam by Maynard as Edgar scoots towards the cage.Another big throw by Maynard and this round has seen Maynard turn up the heat only for Edgar to fight back with some elbows and fists of relative fury. Slam number 3 from Maynard and this is getting ugly for Edgar as Gray finishes off the fight with Gray on top of him. It looks like Maynard will win the DEC.

Hey, Gray Maynard by UD. Gray Maynard; Not just a TV show guy.

Joe Lauzon vs Kenny KENFLO Florian will be rounding out the show.

Rd 1. Intense as fuck staredown sets teh stage for what we are hoping will be a great fight. Both men are going at it and Lauzon and Ken Flo are fighting, fighting it out, only for KenFlo to end up with Lauzon in the guard with some NASTY elbows to the top of the head busting him open, Herb sees some to the back and pulls them apart. Now some more brutality with Lauzon getting taken down and getting slugged by KenFlo. Kenny gets side control but Lauzon gets back up and takes KenFlo down. A Florian omaplata turns into Lauzon passing and this is two dudes working pretty hard on the mat. Lauzon steps over and it looks like he is going for a kneebar, now a heelhook — the Shamrocks should be watching intently here and, oh, hey, its 2008 and the leg lock doesn’t work, both men back up.

Florian tries to take J-Lau down, but Lauzon on top, has a heel hook! Kenny breaks free and is hammering away on him, and the first round has ended, and what a round that was!

Rd 2. Both guys being a bit more cautious for the beginning of the second round and Florian takes down Lauzon, passing into a mount with ease and is raining down rights and lefts on J-Lau who is doing a very good job blocking them. Elbows by KenFlo and Lauzon able to get him into half guard, while Kenny still with the hammerfists, and another mount. The strikes aren’t slowing down, nor is Lauzon’s defenses as he has defended the mount only for Florian to get the mount again a few times here. Some straight up pounding now from Floarian and all Lauzon can do is cover up, not doing much in the way of improving his position now as the mount is very high… And this one is, ahem, ‘ALLLL OVER.’

Great fight.

That is it for tonight, thanks for joining us.

–Dave