Total-MMA.com

By Iain Liddle

I’d like to begin this week’s entry in the style of every unimaginative office worker who finds themselves stood at the shredder, walking down a corridor, in the kitchen or wherever they may be when that inevitably horrific moment arrives as you see a colleague headed directly for you.

“Abort, abort” screams your inner monologue as you look for the nearest possible exit. There’s no way out though. More drastic action is required. Could you? No you couldn’t… could you?

Whilst deliberately ‘accidentally’ letting your tie fall into the metal jaws of the shredder would ruin that lovingly purchased birthday present, it would create the distraction that the situation requires. Likewise, doing a 180 degree turn mid-corridor may look unorthodox but if accompanied by the necessary pause and slap of your own forehead then any onlookers would be cunningly hoodwinked into believing you have simply forgotten a very important document. There’s no doubt that leaving a kitchen holding a mug containing only a teabag a splash of milk may appear odd but anyone questioning it can be put in their place by letting them know that they obviously have time to spare if they’e waiting for kettles to boil. In many ways you’re a model employee and others could learn from your example.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who has attempted one of these manoeuvres and I am obviously too much of a coward. Besides, having seen them approach and already wasted all this time thinking, it is now too late to do anything else. Eye contact has been made and the obligatory nod of recognition has been performed by both parties. Neither of you are happy about it but you know what it is to come.

Whilst taking a deep inhale of breath and hoping that your really-super-enthusiastic smile looks realistic you look up and ask the question “Good weekend?”

In the workplace this is often a token gesture. Mere acknowledgement of someone’s existence at best and often the answer you receive does not even register in your own consciousness. However I am not talking to a co-worker now (unless I am, in which case I’d like to point I have NEVER contemplated abusing the shredder in such a manner) and I am genuinely interested in the trials and tribulations of our readership. How were the past few days for you? Did you get a chance to listen to that CD I lent you? Can I have my CD back?

Me? Well I spent Friday and Saturday evening with friends and even Sunday ended up being quite a lot of fun as it turned out. Of course you never have time to do everything you plan to and I didn’t quite find an hour free to catch up with the Valuev-Liakhovich fight that I had missed the previous weekend due to being somewhat pre-occupied with both Pavlik-Taylor II and Elite XC’s card on Showtime.

It’s ok though because I’ll just have a mini-marathon on boxing when it comes to catching up on what went down this weekend. Obviously there is the Darren Barker fight from Sky Sports which I am quite keen to see as he’s a local lad is being talked about as an upcoming contender for the British middleweight title. Along with ESPN’s ‘Friday Night Fights’ card which showcased two Cuban Olympic gold medallists I would surely have a busy Saturday morning’s viewing ahead of me. You know what though, Klitschko vs. Ibraghimov is on later that night with John Duddy fighting on the undercard too. I have some recent MMA to watch anyway so the boxing can wait for now.

HDNet in the US seem committed to showing MMA in all shapes and sizes and served up the MFC card on Friday night with everybody’s favourite one-dimensional welterweight Pete Spratt in the main event. That should be mildly entertaining at least and you never know which inexperienced, young fighter might impress you on some of the undercard bouts - it’s worth an illegal download of anyone’s money.

Ooh, DEEP 34 was yesterday as well wasn’t it. I’ve been looking forward to this show since they announced it would be the first round an eight man middleweight tournament featuring names such as Riki Fukuda. Plus they’ve got a female MMA tournament on the same card which mildly piques my interest a little. I’ll admit to being a little chauvinistic when it comes to women fighting and I do find it a little hard to watch at times but in the interests of equality I’ll see what it’s all about. I’ll grab that whilst I’m here too.

Damn. It’s approaching lunchtime by this point and I have to go out in a minute. I’ll just leave the downloads running and they’ll be waiting for me when I get back. Although having said that I have to go out this evening as well. It’s probably best just to write today off viewing wise and I’ll catch up tomorrow. Although of course tomorrow I’m going to the League Cup final and that’s likely to be an all day event. It’s just one of those things I suppose - some weekends you end up being busier than others. I can’t imagine I’ll get to see anything of note before going back to work. No bother, there’s plenty of time this week where I’ll be able to peruse at my own leisure. Nearly forgot, Strikeforce ran a show last night with Bob Sapp in the main event, I must download that whilst I think of it.

So I find myself on Monday evening with not many plans and a feast of combat sports on hand to get my teeth into. What to choose… what to choose? Valuev-Liakhovich? Barker-Kendall? Friday Night Fights? DEEP 34? MFC? Klitschko-Ibraghimov? Duddy? Strikeforce? It’s just too tough to decide. I’m really lucky though because that’s over twelve hours worth of fights from the past week alone and this is without the weekend’s Shooto and ZST cards being available yet. Assuming that I’m able to find time to watch an hour a night this will keep me going for about two weeks. A productive weekend all in all.

I’ve just remembered though, Anthony Mundine fights this Wednesday and I’m quite interested in the Super-Middleweight division so I’ll keep an eye out for that one. Talking of which Lucien Bute is fighting at that weight on Friday too, in addition to maybe the most overrated boxer out there at the moment in Jason Litzau appearing on Versus that night. I’m spoilt for choice though that night as HDNet is airing the International Fight League as well. I’ll just have to record one and watch it Saturday morning.

I don’t like doing this at weekend’s but maybe I’ll need to set the alarm clock that morning because I have a few things to do during the day and then UFC 82 is on that evening. Should be a belter too with Silva and Henderson duking it out for the undisputed middleweight championship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited for Vasquez-Marquez III as well that night and the first two fights between them were instant classics. That’s definitely one to watch on Sunday, in addition to the IFL and maybe I’ll get a chance to clear some of the rest of the backlog too. Actually, no I won’t, because Cage Gladiators are running a show in Liverpool that I was thinking of attending. Tom Blackledge is fighting so I’d like to make it there if I can. Of course I can. What sort of person prioritises DVDs over real life. I’ll go to the show and watch the discs another time.

The thing is though I’m now beginning to panic as I wonder when I’m going to find the time to go through everything. Short of taking time off work it’s going to be a little tough but I rest safe in the knowledge that two freakishly busy weekends are not cause for nervousness. Things will return to normal soon with one UFC card every two months being the only action on the horizon and I’ll slowly but surely plough my way through all the shows and rightfully reclaim my place as an internet know-it-all, seen-it-all.

A brief glance at the upcoming schedule is a little startling though and I think I’m justified in being a little worried now. Wednesday 5th is the Sengoku show featuring Josh Barnett against Hidehiko Yoshida. As a former Pride fan I owe it to myself to dig that one out. I’ll find time somewhere before that weekend because I’ll be going to the David Haye vs. Enzo Maccarinelli fight at the O2 centre so Saturday will be largely off-limits. Which reminds me, Cage Rage are on Sky Sports that night too so I must put a tape in before I leave the house. Oleg Maskaev and Samuel Peter fight for the WBC heavyweight title that as well so if I time it right that might be kicking off just as I get back from Greenwich.

The rest of the month shows no sign of letting up either with, at my count, seven boxing cards and fourteen MMA shows of note in the last three weeks of March. I’m only counting the shows that I’ve marked as looking like being worthwhile as well. The realisation is suddenly hitting me like a hammer that I may not be able to find the time to watch Pete Spratt’s fight from this Friday just gone. I can’t say I’m happy with this turn of events but sometimes you have to make sacrifices that you’re not comfortable with. I feel like the pilot of plane going down in flames with a shortage of parachutes having to choose which passengers are going to have to hope they land on something soft. Jason Litzau! Jan Nortje! Riki Fukuda! I want to save to save you all but I can’t. This is harder for me to choose than you’ll ever know.

In the midst of the cries from the cabin staff I think back to more simple times. When we’d have one, maybe two MMA cards a month worth watching. Man, I’d watch those cards from top to bottom and wish there was more. The irony is not lost on me that now I’ve got choice than I could ever have wished for, I’m watching less than I ever have.

I’m still slightly disappointed that those Shooto and ZST events from the past two days haven’t been uploaded yet though. What are they playing at over there in Japan!