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So… UFC 81 is finally upon us. Let’s see if this can in anyway live up to the incredible amount of hype that has preceded it. Can Noguiera remind us all of the basic goodness of human beings by beating Tim Sylvia and we also have the UFC debut of some pro-wrestler with horrible tattoos. Jeremy Horn and Ricardo Almeida return too!

Live thoughts on tonight’s UFC 81 event, as they happen. Click below to see the full results and analysis.

Prelims

- Rob Emerson defeats Keita Nakamura via unanimous decision. 30-27, 30-27, 29-28
- Marvin Eastman defeats Terry Martin via unanimous decision. 30-27, 30-27, 29-28
- Tim Boetsch defeats David Heath vis TKO, round one.

Iain: Heath is just one of those guys that has never impressed me. I’ve never seen anything really impressive about him and he also seems to be fighting a weight class too high. Before the fight it was claimed that Boetsch wouldn’t want to stand with Heath but that’s exactly what he did for the whole fight and won in a casual manner. He landed a number of good kicks early before a series of knees towards the end of round noticeably hurt Heath and the life seems to drain out of him. Boetsch then throws Heath to the floor like he is nothing and Herb Dean has seen enough to step in and put a stop to the beating. Good performance from the late replacement.

Jonathan: Announcers are obsessed with Boetsch’s front kicks. He has the power of CROM!!! behind him as he came in to Conan’s music. Not Silviera, the BARBARIAN. Boetsch kills him with knees, tosses him like a child and brutalizes him for the stoppage.

- Chris Lytle defeats Kyle Bradley via TKO, round one.

Iain: I think the penny has finally dropped with Lytle about the best way to extend his career. Whilst it’s ll very well and good being the UFC divisional gatekeeper who never gets beaten badly but never really beats anyone of note, it’s a lot more fun to be this awesome guy who has suddenly added aggression to his skillset. I thought he looked much improved in the recent Thiago Alves fight and was possibly winning before it had to be stopped. This is what I imagine Ice Hockey fights to be like (I’m British, I don’t know) as Chris holds the back of his head with his left whilst punching furiously with his right. Funny moment at the end as Bradley pulls guard on Yves Lavigne about half an hour after he stopped it. Fun show overall and much more enjoyable than I was expecting. Check it out if you haven’t been watching it live.

Jonathan: Fun little scrap. It looked like two rednecks fighting over meth in a trailer park somewhere. Bradley was still blocking punches and pulling guard long after Lytle had been declared the victor. Funny stuff.

Main Card

- Tyson Griffin vs. Gleison Tibeau

Iain: Quite an innocuous first three minutes with not a lot happening. Eventually Tyson Griffin begins to time his shots though and starts connecting sweetly with counter-punches and flurries. Tibau panics and gets a takedown but Griffin stands back up. The round ends with another takedown by Tibau but Griffin again stands straight back. 10-9 Griffin.

Jonathan: Griffin looks like a really muscley 12 year old and Tibau is absolutely huge at 155. Griffin was the guy who was in several MOTYC last year and this fight is shaping up nicely. At about the 1:30 mark they just start throwing bombs until Tibau blinks first and takes him down. Good round.

Iain: The round starts with takedown by Tibau but, like earlier, Tyson escapes comfortably and stands back up. The next four minutes is all stand-up with Griffin controlling the pace with effective short punches and the occasional leg kick. Tibau tries to steal the round with a final takedown but it counts for little as Griffin once more returns to his feet. 20-18 Griffin, so far.

Jonathan: The second round was kind of there. Griffin landed some nice punches but was too focussed on trying to land the big right and didn’t do enough to set his shots up. Tibau had several takedowns but Griffin controlled the bulk of the round. 20-18 Griffin.

Iain: Tibau starts the round with takedown and it’s his most effective one of the night as he manages to keep Tyson grounded for around two minutes. Once back on the feet, a good left to the body is countered with another takedown, although as with the first two rounds Griffin stands with ease and continues to throw body shots. The last round possibly went to the Brazilian but this is Griffin’s fight for sure. 29-28.

Jonathan: Rogan has the highlight of the night so far describing Griffin as “slippery and glistening.” The homoerotic tension is in the air. Both men are slowing down. Tibau eats a big uppercut but runs right through it fo a takedown. Rogan mentions a liver shot and Bas Rutten. That would be a dream team in the booth. No I’m not kidding. Griffin has a little piece of string hanging down his ass. It is mesmerizing. Judges score it 30-27 Griffin. A step down from the last few Griffin fights. Not sure what the hell the crowd is booing about?

Iain: I’m unsure how the crowd can boo that either. it wasn’t Griffin-Edgar levels but was a good performance and a clear victory. Tibau is a frustrating fighter because it seems like his aim is to always do simply enough to win a round rather than ever try to win the fight outright. He looked disappointed when the decision was announced but he needs to learn that takedown are not enough when your opponent can escape them instantly, and especially when you’re being punched in the face quite a lot.

- Ricardo Almeida vs. Rob Yundt

Iain: Wow, that didn’t last long. Almeida scored a takedown and then transitioned into a guillotine choke. Yundt stood up and tried to wind Almeida on the canvas but, if anything, only lands on his own head. The tapout then follows shortly.

Jonathan: Great takedown and GNP by Almeida. Yundt tries to escape and gets guillotined. His counter is a full flip, but Almeida holds on and wins easily. “That was some top shelf Brazillian Jiu Jitsu right there.” If Rogan had only said top of the food chain, some folks playing the Joe Rogan drinking game would be fucked up right now.

- Jeremy Horn vs. Nathan Marquardt

Iain: Before the fight I predicted a dominant 30-27 victory for Marquardt and I’m a third of the way there after the first round. A really strong performance so far from Nate who isn’t being troubled in any aspect of the game. The end of the round saw Horn attempt an omoplata with a slight degree of success but it’s far from enough to cause a tap.

Jonathan:
Nate with a nice knee pick to take Horn down early. Nate with some really strong GNP. Horn thinking ‘god i don’t want to get punched in the face no more.’ Marquardt is killing Horn with really strong knees and elbows Horn goes down but still has the presence of mind to put his mouthpiece back in. Horn almost gets an omoplata and uses it to sweep as the round ends. 10-9 Nate. Great round.

Iain: As much as I expected a victory for Nate, I didn’t think he would submit Horn and certainly not by a guillotine. That’s exactly what happened though and after horn had the started the round quite promisingly. Good fight and maybe Marquardt’s best performance in the Octagon to date. I’m looking forward to seeing him come back.

- Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir

Iain: Words cannot describe the strangeness of this fight. Brock got a point deducted for hitting the back of the head. Mir eventually submitted him with a leglock. I am not sure what else to say. Surreal.

Jonathan: Affliction shirts everywhere. The shirt designs are almost as bad as Lesnar’s tattoos. 55% of people who waste their dollars on foolish text msgs are gonna be sorely disappointed when Lesnar loses. Mir trained by eating ham and has a BJJ belt for each chin. Awesome fight. Brock Lesnar is a monster and pounded away at Mir. Mazzagatti stopped the fight with a bullshit point deduction for hitting the back of the head when Mir was squirming around. Terrible deduction. Mir is getting beaten down but manages a kneebar for the win. Really exciting fight. In one year Lesnar will be the best fighter in the world. Physically he moved as quickly as any heavyweight we’ve ever seen.

- Interim heavyweight title: Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Tim Sylvia

Iain: I’ve said it many times on the forum, but I’ve rarely wanted someone to win a fight as much as I want Noguiera to win this one. The realise in me says that Sylvia has to be a big favourite though with the way the fights look stylistically.

Noguiera pulls guard in the first minute which is an interesting strategy. The fight ends up back on the feet though and Sylvia hits a solid left hook to knock Noguiera down. Sylvia pounces and I fear the worst even with Minotauro’s reputation for being able to absorb punishment. Tim lets him up and carries on hitting him. Noguiera looks dazed and the takedown attempts are listless. Oh man, Tim’s just connecting at will here and I’m beginning to wonder if the stories of Antonio training with the Cuban boxing team are a myth. This is hard to watch as a fan of the former Pride man. Sylvia lets him get a takedown at the end as he knows he has done enough to win the round.

Jonathan: Sylvia pops him with punches, knocking Nog down and almost finishing the fight. Sylvia was plain dominant here. 10-8 round.

Iain: The second is slightly better for Noguiera but only in so far as that he only lost it 10-9 as opposed to 10-8 maybe in the first. The round is full of successful enough jabs from Sylvia and failed takedown attempts for Minotauro. Not good. At least 20-18 Sylvia so far.

Jonathan: Not much happening in this round. Sylvia lands cleaner shots while taking the round off. 20-17 Sylvia.

Iain: Noguiera pulls guard again at the start of the third, which seems the action of an increasingly desperate man. Success though as he manages to sweep and get on top of Tim for the first time in the fight. Oh shit, he’s transition to guillotine. Guillotine. GUILLOTINE! Tim taps and the world is a beautiful place again. That has to be the least dominant performance ever by anyone winning a title but it matters not… THE NEW UFC heavyweight champion of the world is Antonio Rodrigo Noguiera. God bless MMA.

Jonathan: Classic Noguiera. Gets his ass kicked for 13 minutes and scores a submission win. After the fight Noguiera looks like he was hit by a car. Hideous. tomorrow his face will be so swollen. He calls out Handy Cooter. Who is apparently Randy Couture. That would be a great fight. Nog is 31 going on 80, but I’m proud to call him the UFC Champ.